


Acrobatics Check

by tfm



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-02-19 02:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22303771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfm/pseuds/tfm
Summary: It gets kind of boring out there on the road.Beau and Jester figure out a way to get a little bit of entertainment.A little bit of fluff, a little bit of crack.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & The Mighty Nein, Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 6
Kudos: 73





	1. Salmon Ladder Backflip

I

Beau had an idea.

It was either going to be the greatest thing ever, or a spectacular failure. There was no in between.

They’d stopped early, exhausted by the day’s travel. Or at least, the rest of them were. Beau was kind of wired, and, though she would admit it to no-one, was honestly getting a little tired of her regular push-up and pull-up routine.

She wanted something a little more...interesting.

They were camped in amongst a small copse of trees. There were two trees a little under staff width apart that first gave her the idea.

The first branch was low enough down that she could set her staff on it, but the next ones were several feet above. If this was going to work, then she would have to get creative.

At first, she tried using a shuriken, but it wasn’t long enough or durable enough for what she wanted. Then, she hounded the rest of the group, until she found someone who carried a dagger. Weirdly, the only person that did was Caleb.

‘Why don’t the rest of you have daggers?’ Beau demanded. The Mighty Nein were cloistered around the fire, staring.

‘Why don’t _you_ have one?’ Fjord asked, a question that Beau didn’t even bother to dignify with an answer. She took Caleb’s dagger (was that blood on the blade?) and went back over to the trees.

The first notches she cut were about two fee above her head, and the next ones were about six inches above that. They were about two inches deep, and she was very, very grateful that Caduceus seemed distracted enough that he didn’t notice what she was doing to what he probably considered a couple of innocent trees.

‘What are you doing?’ came a voice from behind Beau. She jumped.

‘Fucking _fuck_ , Nott. You don’t have to sneak around when we’re fucking camping for the night.’

‘Sorry.’ The goblin grinned through sharp teeth. ‘Force of habit. Are you like...making tree art?’

‘Not quite.’ Beau jumped up, and set the staff between the first two notches.

‘Seems like way too much work for pull-ups.’ Beau grinned.

‘I’m not doing pull-ups,’ she said. ‘Watch.’

She did do a few pull-ups, just to get warmed up. Then, she kipped her whole body, and jumped the staff up into the second set of notches.

Nott made a sound that could have been impressed. It also could have been disgust. It was kind of hard to tell.

After the first set, the third, fourth and fifth were like taking gold from a baby. Pretty easy stuff.

‘That was _pretty cool_ ,’ Nott said, after Beau jumped back to the ground, staff in hand. ‘You know what would be even cooler?’

Beau was pretty sure she was either going to really hate, or really love whatever Nott was going to say next. ‘If you back-flipped off of the top one.’

Okay, that _was_ a cool idea.

‘What are you guys doing?’

_Motherfucker._ Beau jumped. Jester was standing there, watching them both.

‘Beau’s gonna jump her staff to the top of the tree, then back-flip off.’

‘Is that really a good idea?’ Beau had the sudden realization that all of the Mighty Nein were coming over to the tree, now. Fjord seemed a little skeptical.

‘You don’t think I can do it?

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘ _I_ don’t think you can do it,’ Nott admitted.

‘Fuck you, it was your idea.’

‘Yeah, because I really want to see you fall on your ass.’

Beau scowled. Well now she had to do it. ‘Wait!’ Jester said. ‘Wait, wait, wait.’ For half a second Beau was sure that Jester was going to tell her to be careful. ‘Should we be betting on this?’

‘Absolutely!’ Nott said, immediately. ‘Ten gold she makes a fool of herself.’ Beau shot the goblin a rude gesture. Beau decided she didn’t particularly want to hear how the rest of the group were going to bet. She tuned them out, and readied her staff.

First notch. Easy.

Second notch. A little wobbly, but still good.

Third, fourth, fifth; as easy as they had been the first time. Now for the fun part. Beau tucked her knees up between her arms.

In one fluid movement, she flipped backwards, the world spinning around her. One rotation was all she had the space for.

She landed on her feet, and resisted the temptation to go into a full, gymnastics style finish. Jester cheered, maybe only partially because she was the only one that took Nott up on the offer of a bet. Grumbling, the goblin handed over ten gold.

‘We should totally make a list!’ Jester said, excitedly. ‘It gets so boring on the road, Beau. You could try a different one every day.’

‘Jester, I—’ Fjord started.

‘Fucking sold,’ Beau said. Jester tore a page out of her journal, and immediately started writing. Beau leaned over to get a look, and Jester pulled the page back.

‘It’s no fun if you know what they are, Beau! You’ll start planning!’

Beau didn’t think she really had the time to plan for something so specific as, if she could read Jester’s handwriting properly, “handstand push-ups on top of the _Spiritual Weapon_.” That was more of a “using the skills already at her disposal” sort of situation.

‘I’m going to tear them up, and we’ll pick them out of a bag,’ Jester announced. ‘Nott, you have to help me think of some good ones.’

Nott’s teeth curled into a grin.


	2. Front Walkover Down the Stairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter contains vomit and mentions of vomit

The sun had just barely risen when Beau was shaken awake by a rough hand that she recognized as Jester’s. It wasn’t the first time Jester had shaken her awake. In fact, on the mornings that Beau didn’t rise early to work out, it was pretty normal. Whether Jester was waking her to see a cloud shaped like a dick, or because she’d had another nightmare about the blue dragon, Beau was pretty much used to it.

This morning, though, the shakes were accompanied by Jester yelling, ‘Come on Beau, get up, it’s time to do some cool monk shit!’

Beau groaned, and rolled over onto her stomach. She had agreed to this. She wasn’t sure why, but she had agreed to it.

For some reason, though, she had thought that they would be doing it in the afternoon, not at fuck-off o’clock in the morning the day after she’d had a little too much to drink.

‘Is one of the things “get out of bed and vomit”?’ Beau groaned, because she was pretty sure she would have that one in the bag.

‘No,’ Jester said, excitedly. She went to her haversack, and rummaged around for a small cloth bag. ‘Today it’s…’ She made a show of putting her hand in the bag, and selecting a strip of parchment. ‘“Front flip down the stairs with Frumpkin tied to your back.”’ She paused. ‘I don’t think Caleb will let us use Frumpkin for this. Let me go ask!’ She ran downstairs to find Caleb, leaving Beau to stumble out of bed.

They were at an inn in a small town Beau had learned the name of, and then forgotten after a very long, very booze-filled night. She couldn’t even remember why she’d been drinking. Then, she recalled Nott having challenged her to a drinking contest.

Oh. Yeah.

That could have been it.

Beau yawned as she stumbled towards the table.

‘Beau, Caleb won’t let me use Frumpkin,’ Jester said, in a pouty sort of voice. Caleb gave Beau a look and she put up her hands defensively.

‘Don’t look at me, man, I didn’t write the list.’

The list, she was pretty sure, was the combined efforts of Nott and Jester, with a couple thrown in from Fjord, plus one or two from Yasha. Beau had seen Jester running around, trying to convince them all to contribute. Exactly why Jester cared so much, Beau wasn’t sure.

‘Maybe we can just tie a stuffed shirt to your back, and pretend that it’s Frumpkin.’

‘Why not use Sprinkle?’ Nott suggested, grinning widely. Jester shot her a scandalous look, but apparently did not want to even dignify the suggestion with a response. Jester decided that something being tied to her “wasn’t an important part of the challenge”.

‘What about the stairs part?’ Beau asked. She didn’t quite trust herself around stairs at the moment.

‘Oh no, that bit’s important,’ Jester said. Beau scowled. She wasn’t sure why she had even agreed to do this. Only if she disagreed, Jester would hound her about it for days. ‘Do you want breakfast first?’ Jester asked, and Beau’s stomach roiled. Breakfast was a very, very bad idea.

No, all she wanted to do was get this thing over with, and then maybe go back to bed for another nine hours or so.

‘We’ll sit down here and watch you make an idiot of yourself,’ Nott said, brightly. Beau gave her the finger. Insides churning, she climbed the stairs.

She rubbed her hands together. Frowned. ‘I kind of feel like flipping is going to end badly.’

‘Wait, it’s not the one where you put your hands on the ground? That’s the one I meant.’

‘That’s a front walkover,’ Beau called back down the stairs.

‘Okay, yeah, do that one.’

Beau sighed, and then stepped forward, inverting her body as if going into a handstand. Then, she kicked her legs over and landed two steps down. Jester cheered. Only ten more steps to go.

A wave of dizziness washed over Beau, the kind she hadn’t felt since she’d first started running around, climbing trees, flipping off things. She inverted herself again, but her hand went down at the wrong angle, and before she could even attempt to remedy the situation, she was tumbling down the stairs.

_Fucking ow._

Dazed, and in no small amount of pain, she landed at the bottom. She was pretty sure her nose was broken, and maybe a rib or two. Beau was vaguely aware of the sound of Jester calling her name, sounding very distressed. She tried to sit up, but failed, body slipping out from under her once again.

A solid arm wrapped around hers, pulling her to standing. ‘Are you okay?’ Yasha asked. Her face looked very blurry.

Beau opened her mouth to answer, and vomited all over Yasha.

‘Oh fuck,’ she muttered. ‘Sorry Yasha.’ Beau tried to wipe down Yasha’s front, but only managed to get it all over the barbarian’s shirt.

On the ground, both Nott and Jester were doubled over laughing. Jester just about managed to stand herself up to come over and heal Beau.

‘Are you okay?’ she said, even through her laughter.

‘Yeah,’ Beau grumbled.

She still wasn’t sure why she’d agreed to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Acrobatics Check - Natural 1!  
> Con Save - 11  
> Embarrassment save - 6


	3. Fastball Special

Fastball Special

The creature had swallowed Jester.

Already, it was a pretty fucking bad situation. The Neolithid had come out of nowhere, and the Mighty Nein were already halfway to tapped after a long fight with some cultists looking to resurrect an ancient evil. Whatever it was cultists did these days. It had taken both Caleb and Fjord out in the same horrifying burst of acid breath, and Jester and Caduceus had just barely gotten to the two of them in time before they’d succumbed to their wounds.

A minute after that, it had gone for Jester. The horrifying, pained scream that the tiefling had let out when the teeth pierced her body was a sound that Beau would hear in her nightmares for a long time to come. She had pummeled at the creature with her staff, and with her fists to no avail, and had even tried running up the creatures body, but in spite of her superior acrobatic skills, had found no purchase.

Beau retreated back to where Yasha was, the aasimar breathing heavily and glistening with sweat as she prepared for another push towards piercing the slimy exterior of the creature. Beau had a sudden terrible, amazing idea.

‘Yasha!’ she called out. Yasha turned to look at her. ‘We need to get Jester out of there!’

Yasha nodded. ‘How?’

‘Throw me.’

‘What?’ They both rolled to avoid the swipe of the Neothelid’s tentacles.

‘Throw me!’ Beau repeated. Any restraint that she might have felt had disappeared. Jester was somewhere inside the creature, being eaten away by stomach acid. Beau’s hits were doing nothing from the outside.

Yasha gave a resigned sort of look. She put her hands out as a springboard, and Beau moved back to make a running start. The moment Beau’s foot made contact, Yasha levered her hands upward, sending Beau flying.

She didn’t get nearly as much air as she would have liked, but managed to grab at one of the slimy, flailing tentacles that were now trying to brain Fjord.

‘Beau, what the _fuck_ are you doing?’ he called out, slicing at the creature’s roiling body. ‘Are you fucking insane?’

It was a bit of a loaded question, Beau thought. The honest answer was probably yes. She slammed her staff into the creature’s mouth twice, and it immediately turned its attention towards the small angry thing pummeling its face.

It was kind of quick.

One moment, she was out there, laying into it, and then she felt a whack across her whole body, and was pulled into darkness.

It was pretty gross.

It had seemed like a good idea thirty seconds ago. Get yourself swallowed, find Jester, and then get the two of you out of there. Now, though, Beau realized that she couldn’t move, and couldn’t see, and, more to the point, could feel the acid starting to burn away at her skin. Jester could have been right next to her, and she wouldn’t have known.

‘Jester!’ she called out, and regretted it almost immediately. The fluid that she swallowed as she sputtered through her words was putrid, and the same sort of acid as whatever was eating away at her skin.

Feeling like an idiot, Beau started to punch things. She was lucky that her lightning gloves were still active, and was kind of disappointed that she couldn’t see the violent blue arcs into the Neothelid’s insides.

It did seem to do the trick, though; half a moment later, the Neothelid seemed to shudder, and Beau felt a rush of liquid from behind her as the creature started to vomit. A half a moment after that, she had faceplanted into the ground, swimming in bile. Behind her, the Neothelid screamed as it burned. Caleb’s eyes reflected orange.

Not Beau’s finest moment.

She got to her feet, looking around hurriedly to see if Jester had made it out as well. Jester was grinning, even as she hobbled to standing. She put a hand to her own shoulder, and cast _Cure Wounds_. ‘Oh Beau did you come in after me? You didn’t have to do that.’

Beau shot Yasha and Fjord a look. ‘Oh, nah, man. That thing beat the shit out of me with its tentacle, and swallowed me up too.’

‘Oh.’ Jester sounded almost disappointed. She pulled Beau into a hug just the same, and cast the healing spell once more. ‘I think you may have punched us out at least. I kept trying to _Inflict Wounds_ , and missed! How the fuck can I miss when I’m inside it!’

Beau patted her on the shoulder. ‘You know what, though?’ She sniffed her arm. It smelled like something had vomited her up. ‘Perfect excuse to use the hot tub.’

As they walked towards the Teleportation Circle that Caleb was sketching out, Beau fell in beside Yasha. ‘Thanks for the boost,’ she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beau – Acrobatics Check – 21  
> Yasha – Strength Check – 18  
> Beau's attacks at disadvantage inside the Neothelid - all hit, over 30 damage in a turn meant they got vomited out  
> Beau's deception check about getting swallowed - 22  
> Jester's insight check about whether or not she bought it - 14

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be rolling acrobatics or athletics checks for everything, so that we have failures as well as successes. If you have any prompts (the more ridiculous, the better), please comment below.
> 
> This chapter Acrobatics Check: 24


End file.
